Boys, boys, boys. As a woman, that’s all we’re trained to think about just as soon as we can talk. Do you have a boyfriend? When are you getting married? Are you seeing anyone? Dating apps? Are you TRYING to find a husband?
When you look back a few generations, finding a husband for a woman was considered essential in order to have a good life. A man would take care of you, and basically give your life a purpose. Are you a good cook? Well, you better get learning if you want to find a husband. Act like a LADY, or no man is going to want you. No husband? There must be something wrong with you. So, it makes sense that we were brought up this way when every generation before us leaned on men for meaning in their lives.
But, let’s jump to today. The feminism era - the girl power, women run the world mindset that women have made efforts to embody and push for. This is a time period where many young women can count their blessings to have the privilege of growing up in. Although, don’t think this whole “men are everything” trend has gone away completely - it’s just showing up differently these days.
Finding a boyfriend, husband, or partner is still at the forefront of many young women’s minds. Yes, we know we can have a fulfilling life without them. Yes, we can become CEO, make our own money, live by ourselves, and do every single thing we need alone - but do we want to?
There’s something still ingrained in us, that little voice inside our heads that says you need a man. And, although this may not mean financially, or to gain social acceptance anymore, we want them because we feel more fulfilled and whole with tying a man down and having someone by our side through life.
Sure, people say, be happy on your own. All you need is YOU. But, do we really believe that? The answer is most often, no, because so many of us women go on horrible date after horrible date, message 30 guys on Hinge just for it to lead nowhere, and spend most of our time waiting around for a text or Snapchat from the one guy who will never give us the time of day. So, why do we do it? Because we crave male attention and approval like it’s the goddamn drug that we’re in rehab for. And, as much as we try to make ourselves stop - delete the dating app, refuse all date offers, cut ourselves off from the male world, all it ultimately does is make us feel even more alone than when we were getting the half-assed effort from these men. And so, the cycle repeats.
Let me tell you, it is HARD being a single girl in this day in age, so I’d like to take a moment to give a big round of applause to all the single ladies out there dealing with the dating world of the 21st century. We get ghosted more times than we can count, heartbroken over guys we haven’t even actually “dated”, and then we do it all over again with the next guy we match with on Bumble. How do we let this happen to us? So many of us are strong, independent women who have our shit together and are going places. So, why do we need a man to acknowledge how great we are? Like Miranda from Sex and the City said, “It’s amazing. We can feel totally good about ourselves and then it all goes out the window if a guy doesn’t mirror that right back to us”. What is this NEED for a man and their approval and desire for us?
So, what do we do here? How do we break this pattern of horrible dating and this irresistible desire to have someone? The answer isn’t so clear, but the first step may be realizing why we feel as though we need this person in our lives. What does having a boyfriend or husband make us feel in which we can’t get that feeling elsewhere?
The second step might be to throw ourselves into ourselves. Yeah, you read that right. Take as much time searching for yourself as you do searching for someone else. Although it’s cliche and often over-said, true happiness does lie within yourself. If you can be happy alone, nothing can shake you. And, your next relationship will be better from it tenfold. No one wants the responsibility to make you happy - that’s your job!
The third step is to cherish the relationships you do have. Your family, your friends, your coworkers, etc. Those are your people - treat those relationships as important as you do trying to find a romantic one.
So, there you have it. Say goodbye to being so dependent on a man. Create the life you dream of, and once that internal happiness comes...Chad from Hinge just might ask you on another date. ;)