Updated: Feb 9, 2020
“I believed in Him and it felt like He believed in me, too.”
I remember writing this during my darkest hours. Nothing made sense at the time, not what I was going through, not my feelings or lack thereof. I had no clue who I was! And to be completely honest, I barely had an idea of who I wanted to be. I was in such distress!
Misheard by my people, unloved by myself. I suffered my duality and so much more. But even there, even when it seemed like I had nothing to hold on to, I did.
That’s what religion means to me, the reassurance that something better is coming. And it ain’t got to do with false hope or whatever. It's more like a spiritual motivation. It pushes me, telling me I’m capable. In fact, the Quran reminds us that : « Allah does not charge a soul except [with that within] its capacity » II-286. And this has taught me I can do better, I can be better, for no one else but me. I love how strong and fierce it makes me.
In so many ways, religion opens my mind. I can see things fully and understand more, and that’s all I ever wanted! Knowing more and accepting, for example, that I won’t be able to know everything, but that I don’t need to either. Everything I need to know in order to be great, to navigate this life, is in front of me!
Religion helps me to see through myself. It helps me visualize my own flaws with the sharpest and also the most gentle eyes. This has been the most efficient remedy I’ve ever taken.
Depending on where I stand, it’s a booster, an encouragement, a support, something I can always lean on. Even in my hardest times, it feels like He believes in me, in what I could be, in what He gave me. I fought with this thought, that’s how I won every battle I got into!
I will never be able to define what religion is to me in one word because I’m too much and it shapes itself through everything I am.